Late Night Ramble

I’ve stumbled out of the gates here in the first weeks at site … slow and lethargic, itchy all over my body from some bizarre food allergy, rattled by the sounds and smells and heat and language. Surrounded by mango and plantain and banana fields, with high coconut trees jutting out from the foliage at odd intervals, the area where I live has beauty in abundance, but also a lack of proper waste disposal that leaves a collective blemish on the land. I’ll write more in the future on the specifics of everything, to be sure, but for now I guess I just want to say ‘hi.’

For now, I suppose, I just want to say that I miss everyone dearly, but that I’m ‘ok.’ I’m realizing that it’s only natural to crave silence and solace for days on end after such a grand upheaval in life, no matter how much I was expecting it. I’m realizing—and embracing—the fact that my system needs time to adjust to all that is ‘other’ about my new country, all that is different.

But I will embrace it, because I’m finding sparks in the quiet places in my days lately … I’m finding the exuberance behind my smile again, and the awe at this world that pushed me to do this. I talked to my wonderful older brother tonight for over an hour, watching his expressions and taking in his insights via the wonders of video skype, and it felt good just to know he was out there, just to connect and breathe deeply and realize that just because I’m remote doesn’t mean I can’t connect from time to time. I talked to a dear friend of mine who’s spending December at an orphanage in Kenya via G-chat, once again marveling at the ‘proximity’ that the net provides all of us.

All of us have this huge world to see, this huge place to learn about and gulp in and explore … the trick is, I think, learning to ride the wind in your sails, the wind in your willows, the wildness in your soul that will keep you buoyed and shining while you’re on the journey. When the tides shift, or the wind dies down for a time, it gets dark and lonely and lonesome.

But just today a funny thing happened to me. I woke up to the hot smells of a fried breakfast. I stumbled out to a plate of food and a cup of syrupy sweet instant coffee. I smiled at my new host brother and sister and made a dumb joke in my pidgin Spanish. I smiled at my host Mom and Dad, and another day rumbled forward.

“For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday.”

-Kahlil Gibran